A God Sized Miracle—Jade’s Recovery Journey

April 30, 2026

In my addiction I had many obstacles standing between me and my children. But the biggest obstacle was myself. Because of the choices I made, I lost custody of my children. When I lost custody of them, I went deeper into my addiction and farther away from them. I told myself the lie, “They are better off without me.” 

For six years that lie fed my addiction and my negative beliefs about myself. I repeated it so many times that it started to feel true. If my kids were better off without me, then what was the point of trying to get better? Believing that lie kept me stuck for a long time.

In 2024, I was accepted into Adeara. At that point I had very little hope that my children would ever come back to live with me. I hadn’t been a part of their lives for many years. Two of my children were already PGO (the government was the permanent guardian of my two children) and with my youngest we were about to go to trial for government permanent guardianship. I truly believed that I had already lost my chance to be their mom.

I chose Adeara because it was one place where I could still have my children visit me. After my stabilization period, my children were able to start coming for supervised visits. My older two came twice a month, and my youngest came once a week. The first time my children walked through the doors for a visit, my heart was pounding. I didn’t know if they would run to hug me or keep their distance. In many ways, it felt like meeting my own children again for the first time. 

I also had to learn how to interact with them without the distractions of addiction and drugs. That was a completely new experience for me. For the first few months my kids were very reserved and well behaved. My youngest daughter struggled the most with the visits. Sometimes she would cry for most of the time we had together. Other times she would fall asleep during the visit. At first that hurt deeply, but I slowly realized something important—she wasn’t rejecting me. She just didn’t really know me. To her, I was still a stranger she was trying to understand.

Over time, as I began showing consistency and reliability, things slowly started to change. Eventually I was allowed to have unsupervised visits. This was a huge step for me because since my children had been taken, I had never been allowed to be alone with them. My older daughter struggled the most when the visits ended. She was afraid that I would disappear again. When it was time for her to leave, she would cry and hold onto me. She was scared that if she let go, I might not be there the next time. Hearing her cry for me while she walked away broke my heart, because I knew that fear came from the choices I had made. All I could do was kneel down, hold her close, and promise her, “I’ll be here next time.” Then I had to prove it.

After a few months of unsupervised visits, we were allowed to start having sleepovers. This was another huge milestone for all of us. After being in the program for ten months, all three of my children moved in with me. This was truly a God-sized miracle.

Our story of restoration isn’t finished. We are still healing, and some days it is very messy. All three of my children carry hurt and trauma from the years of my addiction. Sometimes that pain comes out in difficult ways–running away, yelling, name calling, swearing, and anger. But even on the hard days, I can look back and see how far we have come. 

There were years where I wasn’t there to tuck my children into bed. Someone else kissed them goodnight. Someone else comforted them when they were scared or hurt. Today I get to tuck them in myself. I get to sit beside their beds and tell them I love them. I get to give them a Band-Aid and a kiss when they get hurt. I can talk to my son about some of the feelings he has about me not being there for him. I was able to teach my daughter how to ride a bike. I help them with their homework. I have gotten them into counselling so they can have support as they work through their own hurts.

I am not the perfect parent, and I never will be. But today I am present. I am living in recovery and choosing every day to learn how to love and care for my children in a new and healthier way.

I want to be a mom my children can be proud of.

My kids weren’t enough to get me off drugs. Addiction had such a strong hold on me. But today they are more than enough to keep me in recovery. On the hard days, I remind myself that there was a time when I only saw my children once a month. I never want to go back to that life or cause them that kind of pain again. 

Adeara gave me a place to grow in my faith with the Lord, discover who I am, and become the mom I have always wanted to be.

To my children: I cannot change the years that addiction took from us. I cannot erase the hurt it caused you. But I can promise you this—I will keep choosing recovery one day at a time, so that I can keep choosing you.

And today, we continue our journey of healing together.

 *Pseudonym used for confidentiality.  

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